Search

Sweetie


An old married, dude, goes out of his way to interact with a woman in a really “ehrmagawad I have a crush on you” way. It feels very cringe to me. It’s not cute. The audacity. As if.

What do you think would happen if same or similar guy thirty years younger were in proximity of a young woman, someone in his sphere of influence, whose job or reputation depended on his munificence. Imagine if the power dynamics were different. Imagine if she were a physically smaller woman, a less visible, less protected, woman. A less-resourced woman. Not married to a guy who...used to have the nuclear access codes?

How does one even feign to approach someone with the swag and self-assurance to wear a belt buckle, which between nineteen ninety-one and now was last seen on Captian Jack Sparrow's shoulder, who leaves her coat open on a day blowing snow so we can alllll see and bow down to said buckle? She doth not mind the cold, why might you think she's paying you any mind?

Anyways, here's what I think a fly on the podium might have heard.

Picture it.....



POST INAUGURATION


QUEEN OF BURGUNDY AND HOW ARE YOU, WILKER, YES, YES, IT HAS BEEN A WHILE, LOVELY TO SEE YOU TOO. SWEETS FOR ME? YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE, REALLY. UHOH, SOCIAL DISTANCING, REMEMBER...


DUCKS AWAY AND TURNS TO THE LONG FACED GUY THE MOMENT WILKER TURNS


QUEEN OF BURGUNDY YOU SAW HIM OVER MY SHOULDER AND STEPPED OUT DIDN’T YOU.


LONG FACED GUY MEEEE?


QUEEN OF BURGUNDY YOU. WHAT ABOUT THE HONOUR AND PROTECT PART?


LONG FACED GUY PROTECT? YOU GOTTA ENTIRE DETAIL AND C’MON BAE, YOU’RE TALLER THAN HIM. IF YOU WANTED TO YOU COULD DECK HIM BEFORE EVEN EUGENE COULD DO ANYTHING. I’VE SEEN YOUR RIGHT HOOK.


QUEEN OF BURGUNDY THAT’S YOUR ANSWER DUDE? I’M TALLER THAN HIM?


LONG FACED GUY AND THE PART ABOUT THE RIGHT HOOK. YOU’D KNOCK HIM OUT, LIKE MAMA SAID, WITHOUT MESSING UP THAT COAT AND WITH EVERY HAIR STILL IN PLACE AND HAVE I TOLD YOU THAT YOU ARE WEARING THAT COAT MA’AM? I AM CERTAIN THAT YOUR PEEPS ARE GOING TO BE ABOUT IT ON TWITTER AND THE INSTAGRAM.


QUEEN OF BURGUNDY BOY PLEASE.


I AM WEARING THIS COAT THOUGH.

DAMN INCOMING, PUCE, FOUR O’CLOCK, COMING IN HOT, LETS MOVE.


LONG FACED GUY YOU DON’T HAVE TO TELL ME TWICE


QUEEN OF BURGUNDY I SHOULD LEAVE YOU TO HIM


LONG FACED GUY HE DOESN'T WANT TO GIVE ME SWEETS


QUEEN OF BURGUNDY SURE ABOUT THAT?



Live long and prosper, peoples. Wear your buckles proudly. Lehwe see dem.


_A

31 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All